Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
