I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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