this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
