dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
