my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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