I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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