your thong is hanging out like whoa
it glows. i had to have it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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