You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
