I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my being single is dangerous.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
