Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
