Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
