please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
