Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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