they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
