I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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