That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
