Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
