I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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