i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
