so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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