There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
