Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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