his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
