I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
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