we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
