did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
