I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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