My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
