I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am available for nakedness
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
