you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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