I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
soo... how was my night?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
