speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
