he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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