Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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