mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
