I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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