So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
