All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
