Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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