i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
