So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
