I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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