i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
