Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
