I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
