yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
