I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
