He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I want a musical about memes.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
