you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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