life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
