i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
