I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
