What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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